Focus. Focus. Focus.

Even as I write this, I struggle with focus. There's a reason I haven't updated his damn blog in a really long time. What distracts me? Iphone. Facebook. Netflix. Xbox. Google Reader. Ichat. And on and on and on. They each feed me these little morsels of serotonin. Little notifications of proof that I am interesting, or wanted or loved. There are a million little things I do to take me out of being productive or being with the people in my life. It's kind of ridiculous. For me, it's automatic. I will be standing in line somewhere, or I'll be idle for just a second, or I'll be stopped at a light and I will find myself glancing at my phone for those little red balls over the apps that tell me something has happened. Ding. I'm interesting. Ding someone commented on my status update. Ding. my move in words with friends. The pretense is that somehow my iphone keeps me in touch with my community. the reality is that my iphone is my blankie. It's this little security totem that I can go to to take myself out of life. When I am staring at that little screen, I get to ignore everything else. For just 30 seconds at a time. Everyone else is doing it. The other smartphone junkies are doing the same thing, and commenting on each others' pictures and birthdays. It's this vast conspiracy. Nobody is out there calling us on our total lack of focus, lest they get called on theirs. Focus is a muscle. As a child, i was diagnosed with a lazy eye, which meant one eye was less strong than the other and would go out of focus easily. I am also far sighted, which is also problem of focus. In the last year or so, my eyeglass prescription has changed. My eyes have actually grown weaker. My focus has grown weaker. I am clear that I can straighten in this area, again. But, like a heavy person jsut going back to the gym after years of inactivity, it may have to start slowly. So, what I am going to start with, in my game of focus, is turning my phone into an actual communications tool, rather than a security blanket. It will live in my pocket, doing it's thing while I am out there in the world, doing mine. If you see me relapse and go all glassy, tell me. I'll do something about it.