Secret #4: Remember Peoples' Names

Names have power. Each and every one of have a name that is a powerful distinguisher of us from the rest of humanity. Our own name is deeply tied to our identity, and is probably one of the most important aspects of self. There are no unimportant people. Everyone we meet is a real human being with a name, and a story and a deep, beautiful life.

I just worked a week and a half at a festival here in LA, called Lightning in a Bottle, where the staff went from about 50, some friends some strangers to about 12,000 festival goers. I had to learn my crews, I got to meet people's friends and loved ones, I met people in the middle of the night, or in the dark or while wearing elaborate feather headdresses.

I'm terrible at remembering names, and I often feel really bad about it. So, at LIB, I decided to take on really learning the name of everyone I came across. It was tough, and I did fail on some people, but I remembered names.

Some things that work for me:

1. Visualize the name written. I like to imagine it written over their head, like in a video game. So when you meet Penelope or Jeffrey, see the name written in bright glowing letters over their head. I will often ask a person to spell their name for just this reason, or I'll give it a try spelling it on my own. I find facebook is an interesting tool for this.
2. Get to know people on a whole name basis. I find it is easier to remember Jonathan Perterson than just Jon, and the trick here is to remember the name exactly as they say it. Listen to the inflection, the way they trail off when they say their "R's."
3. When you are getting their whole name, ask about them, and repeat back what you now know, Jonathan Peterson from Orange County, who's passionate about swimming and water polo, for example. Get to know their name and associate it with that name.
4. Look a person in the eye when you say their name. Let them know with your eyes that you know them, not just their name.
5. Re-introduce yourself. If you've forgotten, bite the bullet and meet them again. Say that you are committed to learning their name again and this time learn it. Hey, sometimes third time is a charm.

When you meet new people, you are always adding to the list of names you know. You will forget names. Maybe it's like RAM, and there is only a limited number of names you can hold in operating memory at a given time. We've developed external methods for us to remember names. Get their phone number, put it in your phone. Befriend them on Facebook. Take a photo. Use those things we have at our disposal to remember. How else are you supposed to manage hundreds or thousands of names?

This one is on-going. Let's see what happens when everyone is named in our lives.